It's sad that the top search parameters to get to this site are different variants of "elephant penis". Well I've decided to satisfy the crowd and finally upload the elephant big-cock video footage. It's very funny anyway.

These are the costs for the Tanzania and Zanzibar holiday. For those who have never been in Africa, you can notice that prices are by no means cheap at all, Asia is way cheaper. When locals see a white man they imagine a walking dollar and bombard you to buy something from them. Here you get nothing for free, not even taking photos. Rest assured that people will ask you money if they catch you taking their photo which is one of the reasons we preferred taking shots of animals.

Tipping is expected, or more accurately forced upon you for each service you get, in fact this has been the holiday with the highest tipping costs. During the holiday we rarely got to carry our own bags because as soon as you arrive somewhere people come rushing out to carry your bags obviously expecting tips. The only tips that were really deserved were those we gave to our safari guide and cook.

I'm shy by nature and I hate to force people so I'm not good at haggling, however here some souvenir prices were so high that it all came natural. At first I was a little bit too aggressive until I realized that the prices weren't supposed to be cheap either. In general we managed to get a 10-20% discount by haggling.

Keep in mind that the prices quoted below are quoted for a single person. Since we were two people prices like taxis and hotels will obviously be higher if traveling alone.

Description	Cost per person
Friday 4th March
Battries & Underwater Camera	29.08
Taxi Heathrow - Thistle	16.52
Taxi Tips	1.83
Taxi Thistle - Heathrow	12.85
Hotel Thistle	45.89
Films & Battery Camera	22.96
Saturday 5th March
Taxi to Stanely	27.53
Tips to Taxi	9.17
Stanely Hotel	25
Sunday 6th March
Trip to Arusha	30
Indian Food	7.52
Impala Hotel	41.64
Phone call to sunny safaris	2.00
Sunny Safari 6 Days / 5 Nights	855
Snakes Tour	10
Tip for Snakes	2.50
Soft drinks and beer (twiga)	3.50
Tuesday 8th March
Curio Shop	10
Maasai Entrance	25
Maasai Tips	5
Wed - Friday
Drinks	2.25
Saturday 12th March
Picture with Maasai	3
Tip to Maasai	2
Tips to Porter	0.5
Chinese Meal	13
Tips to Papa	30
Tips to Anton	25
Flight to Zanzibar	140
Sunday 13th March
Masai Dress	20
Impala Hotel	41.64
Phone call to Zanzibar	2
Taxi to Dhow Place	5
Drinks	1
Map of Zanzibar	1.5
Dinner	8.52
Monday 14th March
Spice Tour	25
Tips to guides	3
Spices	3
Chess Set	20
Lion & Wartog Souvenir	12
Chips & Snack	2.50
Dinner	10
Shampoo	4
Tuesday 15th March
Dhow Palace (x2 nights)	90
Transport to Jambiani	5
Licence for Zanzibar	10
Snorkeling	7
Wednesday 16th March
Petrol	9.53
Car Rental	25
Park Entrance	8
Pizza Mid-day	2.50
Thursday 17th March
Dolphin Tour	30
Donation Zala Park	1
Friday 18th March
Blue Oyster Hotel	75.25
Dinner for 3 days	25
Lobster	18
Bus to Zanzibar from Josani	7.5
Flight to Dar Tax	48.16
Tax DAR to NBO	30.10
Drinks at NBO	2.50
Saturday 19th March - London
Underground day tickets	11
Baggage Storage	10
KFC	10
Ice cream snack	5.50
Nike	73.42
Starbucks	7.34

After a month and a half of hard work after hours, I finished the holiday video for our African adventure in Tanzania. I'm too exhausted to rant about it so I'm going to upload the trailer. Download here (approx 4Mb)

While we were taking our breakfast two campsite attendants helped our guides to pack everything in the 4x4 to start our long journey to the Serengeti. The scenery around us just kept getting better and better and the villages more characteristic and rural. On our way we passed through the village of Mto Wa Nbu which funnily enough means River of Mosquitoes.

This is another colourful village with people flooding the streets selling their goods and gaining their daily bread. Before continuing our journey Pius, the driver, parked to the side and made a sign to a group of woman sitting at the edge of the road. All of a sudden three women with different bunches of bananas came to try and sell their produce to Anton our cook. This attitude was very characteristic of the place and shows that if you need to buy anything you’re going to be spoilt for choice. Here we stopped again for some other reason and a small boy came to our car asking for a pen. At last somebody came for something we could give and after fumbling nervously in our bags we threw a pen at him. The smile on his face is one of the best memories I’ve got of the whole holiday.

The best part of the day had yet to come because after a brief stopover at the Ngorongoro crater which was on the way, we went to visit a Maasai Village. As soon as we arrived a Maasai dressed in a deep purple cloak came to greet us and obviously ask us for money. Since we didn’t have small change we gave him $30 each instead of the $25. The price looks a bit overpriced, in fact the Maasai himself was quite surprised at giving him the extra $5 but everything was worth it here. The Maasai guide who knew English very well, seemed to have felt guilty not having change so he gave us special attention and was particularly friendly with us.

As soon as we stepped in the village, the Maasai welcomed us with their traditional welcoming dance. With daring confidence they grabbed hold of my queen and dressed her one of their wide collars kidnapping her till the end of their ritual. After the warm welcome the guide took us inside one of their huts created with cow dung, which had a small extinguishing fire fuming the whole place. In pitch black darkness we learned about the Maasai and their way of life.

After this brief discussion we visited their kindergarten area which is essentially a hut built with sticks and earth were small children were waiting for their lesson. In the classroom we were surprised to find benches for children to sit upon and even a blackboard with some Swahili written on it. It’s a pity that we didn’t have any biros and copybooks with us to donate to the kindergarten class. Before leaving the Maasai a female Maasai which is only distinguishable by her cloths since they shave their heads, came to ask us for some anti-venom because a child got bitten by a snake, but unfortunately we couldn’t do much to help.

  

On our way to the Serengeti we met the first lion and the first encounter was the best one of the Safari, because we arrived in the exact moment he was mating. We also saw two lionesses ride each other which was rather strange. I haven’t yet found what does this behaviour means.

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The plains of the Serengeti are like no other. Huge plains full of life that you can feel the animals watching you. In early March the area was a fusion of greens and yellows with a blue sky contrasting in the background. It’s no wonder that most documentaries are taken in this heaven. The animals here look so friendly that they seem to greet you instead of being intimidated. I’m sure that we got closer to them then you can get at a zoo. In fact after this experience I doubt I’d ever visit another zoo. This is insurmountable.

Most of this day was spent travelling however even though we didn’t explicitly look for animals we saw plenty of them. Zebras, Tomphson’s Gazzelle and Impalas are everywhere, but despite their numbers you never tire of watching them. This does not mean that these are the only animals that you can see, it’s more like if you spit out of the car you’re more likely to hit one of these animals than the ground.

After the lions mating we continued our porno show with the most endowed member of male animal kingdom – the elephant. The elephant's dick is so big that he can scratch his stomach with it, which in fact he did. See the video here.

The campsite we stayed at the Serengeti was much wilder than that of Lake Manyara. In fact here in the middle of nowhere there is no electricity or running water so you can feel really isolated from the rest of the world. The campsite we stayed at was called Seronera campsite although in the area of Seronera there are several different campsites. This was the best camping place precisely because it was the wildest one, with no fences guarding you, completely at one with nature.

P.S. Most of the photo's are copyrighted to my much more artistic soul mate

The car ride from the Impala Hotel to Sunny Safari's served as a safe tour around Arusha without attracting the swarm of locals that you'll inevitably encounter when walking alone in the streets. Although Arusha is the main safari tour operator hub of the Northern Circuit we saw very few white people walking around so the car ride got the closest to a tour of Arusha.

Arusha is home to 800,000 people so by itself it has got twice the population of my country making it a big city by our standards. All the roads that we passed through were full of people bustling with activity selling goods or working in their shops which usually double as their homes. The feeling of poverty is immediately apparent, but in spite of this people seem to try their best to gain a decent living where everyone in the family plays a role, no matter the age and gender. If wealth is only for the privileged few, colour isn't, and nobody fears wearing red out of season. In fact one of the most interesting observations is that people here dress whatever they find with no penchant for the current season's fashion. The only exception are the Maasai who are so fashion conscious that their dress code defines their state in their society.

At Sunny Safari's headquarters we met with the face behind all our e-mail correspondence, Ally and after a small brief about the safari and payment of $855 we left on our adventure. Our guide and driver was Pius (alias Papa) who had such an imposing presence makes you at ease under his protection. The driver, Anton, was exceptionally thin especially when standing near papa and his red Nike t-shirt made him easy to spot from anywhere in one's field of vision.

On our way to Lake Manyara we passed by a snake farm and gladly stopped for a visit. The $10 entrance fee was proved its worth as soon as we saw an adult full grown black mamba. The fastest snake in the world isn't actually black but more of a greenish brown colour and it was longer then I expected, measuring about 3m. Amongst other members of the deadly variety we saw a puff adder, spitting cobra, Egyptian cobra, green mamba, rhino viper and the best camouflaged snake of them all, the gibbon viper. The rest of the trip to Lake Manyara was very comfortable and completely uncharacteristic of my previous impression of African roads. The main road which continues till the Ngorongoro Crater could have been a highway in the US as far as the road condition was concerned.

We arrived at Twiga Campsite in Lake Manyara in time for lunch which consisted of tomato salad, cucumbers, green peppers and some carrots covered with mayo. There must have been a development craze in this area because Twiga Campsite is a very modern campsite even compared to European Standards. The camping area is covered with grass, there is a fence enclosing the site, normal ceramic toilets, decent showers with hot water and even a bar. Nah, we were out of Africa once again.

After lunch we went for our first game drive in Lake Manyara. The first thing that attracts your attention is the reddish soil colour that tinges the background with a reddish brown unlike all the other safari locations we've been to. We didn't have to wait for a long time to start experiencing the wonder of the park because after a few minutes we met with a group of baboons lead by a dominant male. The rest of the animals were equally impressive and amazing. Here we saw Zebras, Giraffes, Elephants, Black Monkeys, Vervet Monkeys, Dik Diks, Hippos, Impalas, Wartogs and Mongooses.

The first animals are always the most significant because it's the first time you're seeing them. We were amazed how close we could approach them and they seemed totally undisturbed by our presence. Naturally we stopped at each single animal we saw and we must have nauseated our guide with the constant "Oh how cute, oh how nice" phrases. Both the video and the camera had a hard time keeping up with our clicking.

  

The peaceful atmosphere of Lake Manyara as well as the variety of birds are what distinguished this park from the others. Birds are plentiful and this was the best bird watching opportunity we had throughout the whole safari. The birds worth mentioning were cranes, pelicans, storks, rollers, bee eaters, hornbills, guinea foul and even the African fish eagle and Goliath heron.

Upon our return we had a shower and a three course dinner with soup, grilled chicken legs, pancakes for dessert, and coffee. Before retiring to sleep we had a drink at the bar until the video camera batteries charged behind the bar counter.

Today we had a gentle introduction to the black continent at a distance with a bus trip from Nairobi to Arusha. The bus took roughly 5 hours, half the time it takes to go from Dar Es Salam to Arusha, and strangely enough 5 hours didn’t seem like a long time. I usually like to read on such long trips but the scenery outside was even more appealing then the best book I’ve read in a long time. The morning’s skyscraper view from the hotel seemed very far away from the poor state of villages leading to Arusha. At last the place started to look like Africa.

The central attractions of the journey were the Maasai, the most renowned tribe in East Africa. You'd have to be completely blind to miss them because the colourful dress that wraps their thin body stands out in stark contrast to the soiled background. Surprisingly, the Maasai were quite common not only in the barren land they are usually associated with, but also in the several villages we passed through.

During the journey we stopped at a large Souvenir (curio) shop so we went in search for our Kenya souvenir. The most reasonable souvenir so early in the holiday was a small colourful plate with jumping impalas, but for such a small thing we were asked $15. At that time $15 seemed very expensive so I tried to haggle down to $10 but reached no compromise. My better half wanted the plate so badly that I had to agree to pay $15 but since I didn’t have exact change I handed the attendant a $20 bill. This confused the youngster because he didn’t have change, so I took added a larger plate for a total of $20. Not knowing what else to do the attendant agreed and called me to a corner out of the way and asked me to hide away the plates in my backpack. This curious action didn’t quite feel proper but at least I got a good deal.

Before arriving at Arusha we had to cross the border from Kenya to Tanzania, so we had to pass through customs. At the immigration office everybody was issuing a VISA for Tanzania however we were privileged enough not to require a VISA. The list of countries that required no VISA consisted mainly of African countries and other remote countries like Fiji. The only three European countries in the list were Cyprus, Romania and Malta. It seems that this was such a rare event that the bus driver was very enthusiastic about us and he jokingly advised us not to leave our mother country because we didn’t need a VISA for Tanzania.

Thanks to the advert on our bus we decided to stay at the Impala Hotel in Arusha and it turned out to be a culinary delightful place. The rooms were spacious and clean and the service was good, but nothing matched the food they served here. Today four weeks after that day I’m still salivating at the thought of that delicacy. At the Indian restaurant I had Lamb Tandorri which was served in a brass dinner set that added just the perfect tot of atmosphere to accompany a perfect dinner.

Once we arrived in Arusha we had to solve the holiday's biggest dilemma – choosing a tour operator for the safari. Thanks to pre holiday research we limited our choice between Sunny Safaris and Bobby Tours, but choosing between them was still a difficult choice. Both operators were very helpful in replying to our probing e-mails before the holiday and both had excellent customer relationships. The advantage of Bobby Tours was that he was cheaper than Sunny, but on the other hand some posts by customers on The thorn tree didn’t seem very satisfied with their tour operator. On the other hand all those who went on safari with Sunny Tours all were very satisfied, and I personally knew somebody who went on three safaris with Sunny Tours, so that tipped the balance in favour of Sunny. After a long discussion with Sunny tours boss we struck a deal at $855 but with a day less then the tour with Bobby Tours. Read on to check whether it was the right choice or not…

The day started with the best breakfast of the holiday and after making the express checkout by just writing the credit card number and handing it to the reception, we opted for a hassle free solution and got a cab for Terminal 4. This time instead of the quoted £11 the price was £14, which made it clear that there is an additional taxi surcharge at night. The total cost for the extra night in Heathrow was £42p/p.

The check-in and boarding on BA 65 was pretty straightforward as there was ample space left on the plane. The funniest part was passing through security because my queen had to go through the new security system they installed at Heathrow, which apparently allows security personnel to view you as if you were naked. (See Sunday Times Article) She obviously didn’t want to pass through the check but obviously they picked her up. As a meagre consolation they allowed her to skip the long queue, but since I wasn’t chosen she still had to wait for me.

Like the last intercontinental flights to Malaysia, the flight was delayed by an hour but after that everything worked out pretty fine, and we even got a seat near each other. On my personal flat screen I watched 3/4 of The Incredibles (Review)which is very cool and Shall we dance (3.5 stars) (Review). The food on the flight has deteriorated from last time and we had only one meal which was just barely better than nothing.

Our first taste of the black continent was very black indeed because all around Kenyatta Airport in Nairobi there were no lights whatsoever, and it looked like we were landing in the void. The immigration people were very nice and helpful and since we already had a visa for Kenya (€40) passing through immigration was pretty fast.

As expected there was a whole hall of people waiting for the plane to arrive but the airport didn’t look as ominous as we expected it. After scrutinising the placards for our names and finding none, we approached the one with the Stanley Hotel logo and asked for transport to the hotel. We were escorted outside by two men who accompanied us while waiting in the company of two huge cockroaches, for a driver to pick us up. With all the people living in Kenya it’s no wonder that for every group of passengers that arrive at the airport a separate taxi is provided by the hotel. In this respect we had an extremely personalised holiday as most outings and transports were organised especially for the two of us, obviously making it more expensive, but without providing attractive alternatives.

The taxi that drove us to the hotel bore no signs of tourist transport services but we were glad enough that we arrived to the Stanley. The roads were what you’d expect of a normal city except much darker. The taxi cost us $30 but since we didn’t have an exact amount we gave the driver $40 which he automatically assumed that the $10 were tips. It seems that this is standard behaviour because nobody ever seems to have change.

With all the horror stories we heard about Nairobi we made a bold choice to stay at a higher end Stanley. The special rate of $50 with breakfast was not too expensive for a 5-star hotel in Nairobi. We asked for a room on the higher floors because we were afraid of intruders from outside and got a room on the fifth floor with a nice view of the city. Here the TV also had European football showing and before drowsing off, we watched Real Madrid draw with Valencia 1-1.

The long spell at work at last came to an end and we started our holiday at our earliest by catching flight KM102 on Friday afternoon. The dilemma on whether to catch this flight or wait another day was sorted out in favour of the earlier option both to be on the safe side for the standby flight to Nairobi and more importantly to start the holiday earlier.

Just before the holiday I had my usual dose of bad luck when I was involved in a crash of 4 cars. The accident was typical of the very slippery road condition when the last car of the lot crashed into the one before with a ripple effect ending with my poor Mazda. At least the damage does not look so severe and most of all I am absolutely not responsible for a penny in damages to others, which puts my mind at rest till the next insurance evaluation.

This is the first time we had to stay in London for an overnight stay and after we were turned down the special rate at the Heathrow Marriott we settled for the Thistle Hotel in Heathrow. In line with the rest of the holiday it seems that hotel receptionists were understating prices when quoting taxis and hotel prices because the taxi which should have cost £8 instead cost us £18 + £2 tips for the trip. Most probably the reason for this was that we arrived at terminal 4 which is further away from the hotel then terminals 1, 2 and 3. A probably much cheaper option was to go by underground to terminals 1, 2 and 3 and catch the hotel hopper bus (H4) from there.

The hotel was much better and far more expensive than I initially through however after a friendly discussion with the receptionist we managed to get a decent room with an excellent English/Continental style buffet breakfast for £50. The only minor drawback I can complain about is that there were only 4 free TV channels (all others were pay per view), however this mattered very little since we were dead tired and overexcited at the start of the holiday.

Today I feel obliged to write a couple of words before leaving for Tanzania. Lately I've been so busy that I didn't even have time to rant about the worries the holiday inevitably causes. Actually my better half was more into the planning of this holiday as I was taking care of things at work.

Yesterday I was involved in yet another car crash. This time I'm 101% innocent. I was in the airport tunnel in a traffic jam when all of a sudden the car behind me crashed into me. The crash involved four cars in all, with a domino effect caused by the last car in the lot. Fortunately I was the first car and didn't crash with the guy in front of me.

Nevermind, tomorrow we're leaving for London Heathrow, spend a night in London and then pickup the flight to Nairobi Saturday morning. We should arrive on Saturday night, spend the night in Nairobi and leave next morning by bus to Arusha (5 hours drive). From Arusha we're planning to spend 7 days safari camping in the Serengheti Savannah and parks around, and then spend the rest of the following week relaxing in Zanzibar. This should be enough to help me leave all worries behind me.

This morning I finished my video shooting and composition hints document and travel plan but since I'm pressed for time I didn't convert them to blog html.