Last weekend I went to dinner with my two elegance and sophistication coaches. As soon as I saw one of them on the other side of the road I wolf whistled turning the heads of all the people around. The coach came over blushing and scolding me for my inelegant and unsophisticated behaviour.

We arrived at the elegant Italian restaurant. After sitting down at the bar I noticed that one of the bar maids was cross eyed. Since I didn't know the English word for her condition (werca) I was gesturing at her eyes to explain what I meant. Inevitably she got a glimpse of my highly inelegant behaviour.

The rest of the dinner adhered to my coaches standards, apart from the constant slagging of my dress, which I still cannot understand.

Lessons Learnt

• Wolf Whistling is used by farmers to herd sheep dogs, not to greet people across the street
• When you're talking about a defect of somebody 1) try not to make it obvious 2) MORE IMPORTANTLY ... don't speak in a language that is understood by the other party