It's been a hell of a long time since I posted some quotes but I've got two that are just pure class. Probably no one apart from close friends will understand either, but they need to be stored for reference.

This happened while playing 20 questions with the theme being - Person
M: What's the nationality?
J: Dottian
M: Sex?
J: Female
M: Profession?
J: She was a teacher ...
M: I don't want to know what she was, I want to know what she does now!
J: Nothing .....

"Ok. I don't wonder that. You are quite special after all. That meeting remains in my heart for times to come. I appreciate your choise and I don't want you any harm " (picture of a rose) You have a strong attitude, a cat like presence and the classy feeling that you radiate".

Don't scramble my balls

Non strapazzare le palle

He's young, handsome and tanned (Berlusconi about Obama)

What have you got in your head? stones?

You are an unsharpened diamond

...there were a lot of Indians, it was a very brown town.

This green tea with peach tastes like mushroom tea

You get designs from the universe to proof you wrong

I'm imagining you with a family, LOL!! Full of little kids shouting and farting ... LOL At least one of you is a bit mature and everything. we need somebody to take care of us, not us taking care of a mini-me! LOL

S: Do you know someone called Mike
R: Yes it's Mike :P
S: ah, ok ok
R: did he send you some email and you didn't recognize him?
S: no it was linked in. it was too formal and stuff, I know him in a different way :D

You're aristocratic

Is it time for your 9 o'clock injection? - said to the husband who was misbehaving

i'm a bit of an antitalent for these things.....

From Globejotting

A boy speech therapist - have you had a sex change?

(send as text)
Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to A, Happy birthday to you!
(reply) Thank you, you have a lovely voice!

Ahhh smoooooothies!!!! sure sure, those definitely are in the P bible of pleasures :))))

If penthouse had a marine mammal edition - this would be the centrefold. (TED conference)

If someone wants to have sex whilst watching any Tom Hanks film they should be chemically neutered by the government.

that's a 'let's go back to work' kind of cloud ...

You're stealing my history. Said to me when I was quoting a past event in the first person, that didn't happen to me but to the person I was talking to.

Why are you sniffing my funnel?

Error handling is a bit like documentation

water delivery on drugs ... this would be something for me

I need to see her to see if I’ll hate her or not.

it's a sort of a number

You know what's cool about Irish names? They're so strange that when you search for someone's name in your email you don't get spam results.

Helicopters Only Fly Because They’re So Ugly the Earth Repels Them .. (on dmiessler website)

the beautiful bastard maybe as beautiful as he wants, but we won't be friends any more. I am not going to change my mind on this one

this is your office?!?! ... it's a mess

they describe [the dot] as that small back garden..very small but always very inviting where you make bbq's with friends and enjoy the life..that part of the house..cyprus is the oldest toilet you got in your place which has never been cleaned

These weren't received in e-mails but worth sharing:-

"I think the most valuable skill in poker is self-confidence," Mercier says. "When you believe that your poker move will be successful, others will believe it, too. When you enter a pot with the definite intent to win it, you've almost already won it. When you take yourself seriously, your opponents will, too." (Some newsletter)

If you're a young sexually irresponsible girl with a drinking problem, get the help you need. Call [add phone number here] (From Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk)

Don't just provide data to somebody - help them make a decision!! (In some podcast or presentation - this is going to become my new motto)

I'm feeling like a glow worm with a broken bulb.

cool, wedding,... do you know the bride and broom?

This week is a bit low on e-mail quotes recieved but don't worry I found a site full of quotes (via Tom's Blog)

I get many pyrotechnic ideas what to do with Alf's bedsheets

Do you know what happened ... I dropped my pink mobile phone in the lift shaft

Those skirts, they destroy the shape of the body

..., but I know my sister, her boyfriends are never normal

but yesterday i brought some monster carrots - enormous!

women are like wolves, if you want a wolf you have to trap it; you have to sneer it, and then you have to love it.

i didn't fall from her nose hole

O: he looks too italian ... without any offence
P: yeah but what does it really mean?
O: well I shouldn't like him .. or it's should not make a difference, it's you who should like him
P: u r my friend
O: but i never slept with you

Today in the morning my office is half empty as:
...
Who should work then? :-) no no, don't look at me :-)

I haven't posted inbox quotes in a while but today I found this on yahoo answers.

ok im kinda worried an all. my g/f hasn't had her period she she got pregnant. do you think the baby is drinkin the blood??? shes 6 months pregnant. Link

maybe i would rather compare you to a dragon fruit or something more masculine than a peach

I like to find (a) simple solutions (b) to overlooked problems (c) that actually need to be solved, and (d) deliver them as informally as possible, (e) starting with a very crude version 1, then (f) iterating rapidly.

You can put visual effect layers on top of Windows or Linux, but it’s just painting a turd.

Last 2 quotes were found on the web

the internet is broke

I know she logged in, but just try to convince her she didn't

I would have collect my Swedish big 3 - Mikael, Dan u Peter (Referring to band front man)

probably my computer was just tired

Note: If you hear / receive any quotable material you want to share, I'm looking for more quote sources.